Place in Heaven

Christians! - Have you ever wondered if you will make it into heaven?

Well now you can find out with this simple multi-denominational questionnaire. Not only can you find out whether you will make it into heaven, but you will also learn how close to the Lord you will be seated. You can even print out your ticket for presentation to St.Peter when you pass from this life, thus simplifying paperwork!*

About You

What is your full name?

What is your current age?

years

Section A: Religious Rectitude

1) Do you believe in God?	Yes No
2) Are you a priest/vicar or other religious official?	Yes No
3) How frequently do you attend at a church or other house of worship?	At least once a day Twice a week Once a week Once a month Once a year Only for weddings/funerals etc.
4) Have you ever been in the congregation on Songs of Praise or other religious TV programme?	Yes No
5) Have you actively attempted to "spread the word" and convert people? (e.g. been a missionary, or bothered people outside train stations etc)	Yes No

6) How often do you give to charity?

Monthly
Yearly
Hardly ever
When made to feel guilty

7) Have you ever ...

Stolen?
Killed anyone?
Commited adultery?
Covetted your neighbour's wife?
Covetted your neighbour's manservant or his maidservant?
Covetted your neighbour's ox or his ass?
Worshipped any false gods (or celebrities)?
Failed to observe the Sabbath?
Borne false witness against your neighbour?

8) Which of these sins have you committed (if any)?

Lust
Greed
Envy
Sloth
Wrath
Gluttony
Pride

Section B: General Behaviour

1) At what age did you lose your virginity?	Under 16 16-18 18-20 20-30 30-40 Never
2) Approximately how often do you tell a lie?	More than once a day Once a day Once a week Once a month Never

3) Have you ever broken the law? (including traffic violations)	Yes No
4) Have you ever been excluded from school for more than a week for bad behaviour?	Yes No
5) Have you ever received a police caution for a public order offence (drunk & disorderly etc)?	Yes No
6) Do you send your tax returns in on time?	Yes No N/A
7) Do you hunt/kill animals for sport/fun?	Yes No
8) As a child did you pull the legs off daddy-longlegs, and/or the wings off flies?	Yes No
9) As a child did you ever burn ants, spiders, or other animals with a magnifying lens?	Yes No
10) When driving do you discard litter through the window?	Yes No
11) Have you ever wilfully travelled by bus or train without a valid ticket for the entire length of your journey?	Yes No
12) Do you have a bath or shower at least once every two days?	Yes No
13) Do you believe in astrology, horoscopes, or tarot?	Yes No
14) Are you, or have you ever been, a witch?	Yes No
15) Do you believe in reincarnation?	Yes No

Section C: Serious Misdemeanours

1) Are you a murderer?	Yes No
2) Are you, or have you ever been, a terrorist?	Yes No
3) Have you ever donated to, or otherwise sponsored, a terrorist organisation? (e.g NORAID, ETA, Al-Quaeda)	Yes No
4) Are you a gangster, drug-dealer or armed robber?	Yes No
5) Are you a fraudster, mugger, or convicted Tory MP?	Yes No
6) Have you ever commited a sexual offence (even if you have not been convicted for it)?	Yes No

Section D: Your Health

The answers to these questions will not influence your admission, but enable us to determine your likely arrival date.

1) Do you smoke?	Yes No
2) Do you drink more than the recommended level of alcohol? (28 units/week for men, 14 units/week for women)	Yes No
3) Do you have, or have you ever suffered from, any of the following conditions: heart disease, cancer, HIV, stroke, cardiac arrest, high blood pressure, malaria?	Yes No
4) Have any of your close relatives (siblings, parents, grandparents) suffered from any of the following conditions: heart disease, cancer, stroke, cardiac arrest, high blood pressure?	Yes No

Now click below to see if you got in ...

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Want you know where the celebrities will be in heaven? - click here to find out.

*Disclaimer: This form is just a bit of fun and is in no way meant to be a true means of determining eligibility for, or gaining access to, Heaven.

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